


something like life

by Nyxierose



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-04-27
Packaged: 2018-05-26 22:34:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6258409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Raven is not the sort of woman who runs, not the sort of woman who gets rescued, and not the sort of woman who restarts. And yet she is all of those things. In an unfamiliar place, alongside an unexpected protector, she finds light and hope and something worth living for again...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Canon-divergent from... idk, somewhere early in s3?? (I'm not watching s3 so I don't even know tbh.)
> 
> Also sort-of an expansion of a little oneshot posted as chapter 1 of "keep getting underneath you", except also NOT. I have no idea what I'm doing here so we'll see what happens!!

Raven has considered a lot of possible deaths for herself, but strangely enough, hypothermia wasn't one of them until like half an hour ago. Right now, that feels like a major fucking oversight on her part.

She always thought she'd die _interesting_ , y'know? Women like her usually do, and she figured it out the moment her feet touched the ground for the first time. She was fated for something big, probably involving an explosion or some asshole with a strange weapon or, if nothing else, some weird mutant creature. (She heard about the giant gorilla, okay? If that shit's possible, she doesn't even wanna think about what else is out there in the wild.) Interesting, a story worthy of her legacy. Not fucking freezing to death because she might've overestimated some ice!

And yet here she is, in the middle of fucking nowhere, soaking wet and pretty sure this is gonna be the end of her. Fantastic.

She curls up into a tiny ball to conserve whatever body heat she's got left and tries to remember if there's any DIY solution for this. Even with her particular talents, there's nothing out here she could start a fire with, so that one's out. Every bit of warm clothing she's ever owned is currently on her body and soaking wet because _hey_ , turns out swimming is a little harder than she would've expected. So, basically, she's fucked.

Or maybe, she thinks as she hears human movement in the distance, maybe she's a slightly different kind of fucked than she thought.

She's not totally sure where she is other than "north", and she's been running for a week. Ish. She's not actually sure about anymore either, because time started to blur on about day two, but it feels like a week since she ran and she doesn't regret it _yet_.

She needed freedom and she needed to escape her ghosts. How going on an adventure into the wild was the most logical fix for both of those problems, Raven's not entirely sure, but it seemed like a good idea at the time and it's _still_ a good idea now and at least she's gonna die interesting

Or. Not.

The distant movement gets closer, closer, and then suddenly stops. After a few moments of silence, she looks up and sees a single figure a few feet away from her, completely covered in leathers and furs except for bright eyes taking her in and piercing her skin. Not a threat, she knows in her heart. Maybe more like her salvation.

"If you're gonna kill me, please do it quickly," she mutters, just in case she's wrong.

"What happened?" the other person asks. Low voice, male, vague hint of an accent. _Great_.

"I nearly drowned," Raven hisses. No point in lying or trying to make herself seem any more badass than she actually is. "And now I'm gonna freeze to death or something."

"It's not _that_ bad," he murmurs, moving closer and kneeling beside her. "Or perhaps…"

"You could just kill me and make it easier for both of us. Better than freezing to death."

"You want to die that badly?" He looks shocked. It's kinda cute, and Raven banishes that thought from her brain immediately because now is _really_ not the time for that sort of thought pattern.

"Thought about it," she shrugs. "I ditched where I came from because they didn't want me, and I'm not exactly expecting anyone else to take a chance, okay?"

He's quiet for a few moments, slipping off his outermost jacket and offering it to her. "Here. Take this."

"Why?"

"As you said, you're going to freeze."

"Why are you being nice to me?"

He looks away. "Because it's the right thing to do."

For the first time in too long, Raven laughs. "You have been through some shit, then." Another pause, another heartbeat. "What's in it for you?"

"Atonement." He offers her his hand and, against her better judgment, she takes it. "I'll keep you safe, I promise."

She doesn't have a name or anything else that might back this guy up, but desperation's kinda wonderful sometimes. "Not like I have anything else to lose," she shrugs as he helps her back on her feet. "So where are you headed?"

"Half a day north," he replies, still holding her hand. "Home."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven figures out exactly what she's gotten into.

It takes about two hours for her to figure out who the fuck he even is, and by that point she's not sure she cares. Ulterior motives be damned, Raven is currently (a.) not dead and (b.) actually going _towards_ something for the first time in too long. She's not about to get hung up on the details of how that happened, okay?

"How the hell do you even survive up here?" she asks the mystery guy after what feels like too much silence. She's used to being around people, and the last week-ish has been hell (seriously, _nothing_ lives up here, not even those obnoxious wild birds), and she's got lost time to compensate for and besides that she's _curious_. Perfect storm of possible bad life choices.

"Most people know better than to take walks across half-frozen streams," he replies like it's nothing.

"Yeah, well… I'm missing about twenty years of those life-lessons, okay?" There's no point in trying to pretend otherwise, Raven decides; there's too much tech on her body for her past affiliation to be any different than it actually is, unless she _seriously_ missed something, and if somebody wants to kill her for something that isn't her fault then they can fuckin' go for it. She. Does. Not. Care.

"That one's hard to forget."

"No shit. How much longer until…"

"Another hour. We're getting close."

"Close to _where_?" she growls. Okay, fine, she should've initiated this convo two hours ago but better late than never? She's got a lot on her mind, she's got an excuse here. Also, the whole near-death-experience thing is still fucking her up, and wearing a stranger's jacket isn't exactly _helping_. (It smells like him. She likes that. There are _several_ problems here dammit.)

"Home," he says again.

"Will you give me a fucking location? Or like… anything that might help me figure out where the fuck I even am?"

"We're well within Azgeda territory," he says all too calmly. "Returning to the main city."

Oh. Hell. No.

Raven has feelings about this. Raven has a _lot_ of feelings, and most of 'em start with how lucky this bastard is that she doesn't have a decent weapon on her. He's got a sword strapped to his back, she can kinda see it, but she doesn't quite have the energy to tackle him and even if she did she's not sure she'd win that fight. Still tempting, still _very_ tempting, but…

"What happened to your people… it was not what I wanted. Had I known, I would've tried to stop it."

"Yeah?" Raven hisses. "And who the fuck are you to think they'd even listen to you?"

"One might assume a civilization might listen to their king…"

What the _fuck_?!

Screw it, Raven thinks. She is _not_ focusing on the whole how-much-weirder-can-this-get routine anymore, because clearly this is the strangest situation she will ever end up in and the worst part is that she's not even that bothered by it. Annoyed, perhaps; considering whether his face would look prettier with bruises all over it, definitely; bothered, not really. Affiliation be damned, he's at least human enough to help her out a bit and that's more than a lot of people who are _supposed_ to be on her side would do. If given time, she might be able to get over this little detail. Unless…

"So what do you plan on doing with me once we get there?"

"There are guest quarters within the palace. You can stay there for a while."

"And after that?"

"You ask a lot of questions," he murmurs, almost smiling.

"If you're gonna kill me, you should just get it over with. I'm not worth keeping around, I know nothing about anything that might work in your favor, and I'm the most useless hostage you could possibly have so-"

"No harm will come to you while you are under my protection, I promise you."

For some weird reason, she decides she trusts him. "Thanks. For not being a total asshole."

"I will take that as a high compliment, my lady."

"Raven," she corrects. "I hate formalities, and I have a name."

"Raven," he repeats, and it sounds different on his tongue. "In that case, let us be equals." He reaches for her hand and entwines their fingers. "Roan."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven is overwhelmed (again) and makes a friend (sorta).

The city is nothing like anything Raven's seen before. If she had time, she could spend days taking in all the details and the architecture and the _people_ , but the universe has other plans - as does her current minder, apparently. He's not forceful, but nor does he let go of her hand as they make their way through labyrinthine streets and it's almost comforting in a way. For now, at least, she is safe. For now, at least, someone gives a damn.

"I'll show you the city later," Roan says, a certain determination in his voice. "In a few days, once you've recovered."

"What makes you think I need to recover from anything at all?" Raven counters, more playful this time.

"Beyond the way I found you… you haven't slept at all in days and not _well_ in longer than you can remember."

"That obvious?"

"Shared experience," he murmurs. "Ah, here we are."

She wonders offhandedly how someone so significant could pass through so much space without any unnecessary attention, but they're inside before she can really linger on that mental pattern and then suddenly there are a hundred _new_ things to catch her eye and quite a few of them are human. Roan beckons one of them closer, a beautiful darker-skinned girl who looks decidedly unamused by the latest turn of events, and Raven has never felt this sort of instant connection with anyone but apparently she's checking off a lot of firsts today.

"Raven, this is Talya. She'll look after you for a while." He turns to the other girl then, says a few things in a new dialect of a language Raven doesn't understand, and there's a visible softening on both sides. Whomever this Talya person is, she's either highly intelligent or really determined to stay alive, and Raven can respect either option.

"Follow me," Talya says softly, motioning towards Raven.

"Where are we going?" Raven asks. Her sense of direction is clearly nonexistent, but-

"You're to have a set of rooms upstairs. Normally diplomats' quarters, but yours indefinitely now, my lady."

"What is with you people and formalities," Raven mutters under her breath.

"I can stay with you if you'd like," Talya continues. "Or you can do what you will. Your choice."

"And what's _he_ doing?" Raven growls, noticing a heartbeat too late that her protector is now on the other end of a hallway and has apparently ditched her. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Other matters to attend to. Nothing personal, no harm meant."

Against her better judgment, Raven decides to just go with it. She's quiet as she follows Talya down a different hallway and up an elaborate flight of stairs, down another hallway and into the nicest bedroom Raven has ever seen.

"This is _mine_?" she gasps.

Talya nods. "It's not much, but-"

"Not much?" Raven repeats, almost in shock. She can definitely accept this part of the current spiral.

It's not just one room either. There's also a private bathroom, and Raven is pleased to discover that the concept of indoor plumbing still exists in this frozen hellscape and even _more_ pleased when Talya starts talking about a bath.

"You've traveled so far," the other woman murmurs, fluttering around. "It's really the least we can do and-"

"What did… _he_ … say about me?" Raven asks, suddenly very worried.

"Only that you needed shelter and have walked through the fires," Talya replies, sighing sadly. "Now, do I need to send for a healer once you've cleaned off?"

Raven shakes her head. "Nope."

"Then what is that device on your leg? It looks painful, like-"

"Keeps me upright. I'm useless once it's off, okay?"

"Then that's settled," Talya says. "I'll stay with you for a while and help you, and once you're asleep I'll go and see about getting you some decent skirts."

"Never worn one of those," Raven replies, smiling despite everything.

"With your condition… one can hide many things under flowing wool, and your device would be far from the strangest."

It's an oddly sweet gesture, and enough to make Raven comfortable enough to shed her clothing with limited assistance and slip into the hot water. That in turn is heavenly, like nothing she's ever experienced before, and she can't help but wonder if this is all a dream.

After, Talya helps her dry off and hands her a simple sleeveless nightdress. "Someone will stay here with you for a while," the other woman says. "If not myself, then one of the other handmaidens. At least until you're comfortable enough here."

"Why?"

"Because for some reason, the fires let you survive. We can all see it, my lady. You are safe in this place."

"Safe," Raven repeats as she flings herself onto the soft bed and buries herself under blankets. "Safe." She could get used to that, maybe…


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven and Roan go for a walk.

Being taken care of is really nice, Raven learns.

She sleeps for a few days, waking up every few hours but never for long. Every time her eyes open, there's a different body curled up in a chair a few feet away from her, watching over her. Talya is the most frequent, but there seems to be a rotation of pretty girls in simple pastel dresses with intricate scarring on the backs of their hands. They're all very quiet, and Raven goes three solid days without saying anything to anyone and it's oddly satisfying.

When she starts staying awake for longer periods of time, they start bringing food. There are several sorts of fish, which Talya explains is the primary meat here, and a solid bread and a dark-green vegetable with a name Raven will never be able to pronounce. It's different than what she's used to, definitely, but everything's warm and actually tastes like something and she could easily get used to this.

The clothing they give her, too, is different but good. Talya apparently took it upon herself to gather a decent selection of tunics and skirts in a variety of beautiful colors, and on the fifth day Raven decides she wants to dress up and feel human again. She selects a bright red shirt and a soft gray skirt and she doesn't care that no one significant is going to see her, she _likes_ this getup and-

A knock on the door startles her. "Come in," she calls, assuming it'll be Talya or one of the others handmaidens.

It is decidedly _not_.

Roan in a slightly more normal amount of clothing is somehow even nicer to look at, which is about the last thing Raven needs to realize right this second, and standing in her doorway with a smile on his too-pretty face. It's not fucking _fair_ , and his obvious refusal to actually say anything isn't helping the situation either.

"What do you want?" Raven asks once the silence starts to feel awkward.

"I was wondering if you would want to go for a walk with me," he says, and she can't help but wonder if he's actually practiced that line before finding the balls to come here and go for it.

"Am I allowed to say no?" Not that she wants to, but-

"You are allowed to do whatever you want here, Raven. I simply thought that you might be feeling restless."

Well, he's not exactly _wrong_. "And what's in it for you?"

"Space to breathe and the company of someone who fascinates me. Will you grant me that?"

"Yeah. I'd love to."

It's all too easy to take his hand and let go of everything else, easy to follow through more hallways and down stairs and then out into the world again. This time, they move slower and she gets to take in more details. There's so much _beauty_ here, and maybe it's just desperation talking but she thinks she'd be okay with sticking around and building a life for herself in this city. If she gets a chance…

"Where are we going?" she asks after a little while, fearless despite how lost she feels.

"I thought you might like to see the harbor," Roan replies. "It's not much, but-"

"You keep saying that and you need to stop," she mutters. "This week has been… honestly, the best week of my life and nothing's even _happened_ and-"

"It's the least I could-"

"I'm not used to people being nice to me without strings attached. I'm not sure how you're going to fuck me over, but you haven't _yet_ and I don't know how to feel about that."

He's quiet for a few moments, and she can feel his eyes trying and failing to pierce her skin. Good.

"You've seen battle," he says after a while. "You've survived so much, I can see it in you, and you chose to run and find your own fate in the unknown. I admire that."

"Because you couldn't?"

The words come out too quickly, and she feels him tense up but his hand is still warm in hers and-

"Because I wasn't given a choice."

"I wasn't either," she shrugs. "Not really. Die there or die somewhere new. Figured I should try to _live_ first."

"You're very brave, Raven."

"Thanks. Now can we-"

They're silent the rest of the way, but they slowly drift closer and his arm is almost around her waist when they reach their destination. And screw what he said, Raven can't help thinking, the harbor is _impressive_. There are docks and boats and people and at the heart of it all is an expanse of water larger than she even knew was possible. She's almost hypnotized, and a rush of warmth runs through her at the utter perfection of this outing.

"This is the beginning of their season," Roan murmurs beside her. "The water will thaw out soon enough, and most of those boats will be away for days at a time. Most simply fish, but we have a few trade vessels that go southward and one this year that wishes to explore whatever lies to the east."

"So you're not just warriors, then?"

For a moment he looks almost offended. "We have a culture here. I'd like to show it to you. In fact… how do you feel about grand parties?"

"Not something I've ever done before, but-"

"It is tradition for there to be a ball whenever important diplomats arrive. I know you're not that at all, but it might be best to help silence the rumors?"

"Rumors?" Raven repeats, wondering if she ought to be scared.

"Some believe I took you as a prisoner of war; others, as a concubine. If you are willing, a public debut would greatly help me prove that you are neither."

"Worth a shot," she shrugs.

He squeezes her hand and then, in a somewhat impulsive maneuver, pulls her into an embrace. "You'll like that," he breathes, lips almost brushing her wild hair. "Food, dancing, people…"

"I like exactly one of those things," Raven counters, a playful tone in her voice.

"And will that decadence be enough to get you through the rest?"

"You're helping me restart my life. Least I can do is play nice at one fancy party, right?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parties and Raven are not a good mix (and she's not so fond of emotions either).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, THIS turned out a bit longer than I planned... hopefully that makes up for how long it took me to update?

The next few days are a blur. Apparently it takes time to prepare an event on the expected scale, and while Raven mostly sticks to her room and sleeps a lot, she begins to explore the palace as well. It's a massive building, people everywhere, and she's equal parts overwhelmed and enthralled. And sure enough, just as she was promised, she's allowed to go where she wants and the worst that happens is a very worried Talya one afternoon when Raven disappears for longer than expected. Beyond that, for the first real time in her life, Raven is _free_.

She's still not sure how to feel about exactly how that happened, but she thinks she likes it. She likes feeling important and having nothing expected of her, and she's already thinking of ways to improve. The infrastructure is _there_ , and if she could get her hands on something resembling a blueprint and get permission to put wind turbines on the roof-

As is becoming usual, a knock on the door distracts her from her daydreaming. "Come in," she calls, but she makes no move away from her perch by the window.

"It's almost time," Roan says, approaching but staying safely out of her reach. He's been almost avoiding her since their little outing, and she's not sure how she's supposed to feel about that, but he's here now at least.

"I don't have to look pretty or anything?" she asks, almost disappointed.

"As beautiful as you would be… it is more traditional for the honored outsider to be _comfortable_. I doubt corsets are a part of your background, and-"

"And that's not changing," Raven laughs. The mere idea makes her feel rather nauseous. "I could compromise, though. For an occasion."

"Perhaps in the future," he murmurs, and she turns towards him just in time to see a hint of a blush blossom on his face. "Tonight, however, you look lovely as you are."

She twirls around, dark purple dress flowing around her. "You're too kind to me."

"You're a beautiful woman, Raven, and there is so much more to you than that as well. Anyone who would treat you otherwise has no idea what they're missing."

She rolls her eyes. "Plenty of people have walked away anyways."

"Just because it's normal doesn't mean it's right." He takes a step forward and reaches for her hand. "Now, will you do me the great honor of accompanying me to the most stressful occasion of the year?"

"You don't like parties either." It's really not a question.

"Eyes will be on us, and I'm not sure what they'll see."

"Then why did you think this was a good idea in the first place?"

He glances away for a moment, and when he speaks again she can almost _see_ his lineage. "Because some things are proper and some things are necessary for protection and this thing happens to be both."

"I still don't get you."

"The feeling is mutual."

They're both quiet as he escorts her through hallways, quiet as she clings to him as they descend a grand staircase. Whatever ideas she had about how the next few hours are going to go, she seriously underestimated the formality. She lets her brain turn off as she's introduced to person after person, forgets names and positions as soon as she learns them, does everything she can just to keep breathing. It's all so beautiful, but it's too much for her.

"Promise me I will never have to go through this again," she whispers to Roan when she's pretty sure no one nearby will understand her.

"I can't do that, but… not again unless absolutely necessary," he replies. She'll take it.

Eventually, it shifts and gets _worse_. Somehow Raven completely forgot that half the point of a ball is the dancing, and she watches alone on the edge, jealous of how gracefully most of these people move. She's functional enough, she knows, but she'll never be able to dart and twirl and do _any_ of this like they do and-

"Are you alright?"

"No."

"What can I do to make it right?"

"Come up with a good reason for me to leave?" she suggests, rolling her eyes. "Seriously, how much longer do I have to be here?"

"A while longer," he murmurs, apologetic. "They need to observe you, Raven. They know you're no prisoner now, but the other rumor is harder to kill and-"

"Is that _really_ the worst thing in the world?" she growls. "How much damage would it do to you if people thought we were sleeping together?"

"Not to me," he breathes. "To you. It'll be a lot harder for them to take you seriously if the common belief is that I'm lying with you to confirm an alliance and will cast you aside once you bear my child."

For a few moments, Raven is speechless. "You kinda forgot to tell me that part."

"Trying to protect you."

"Yeah. Sure. Not telling me shit and your weird version of flirting with me _totally_ works as protection." She's not sure how she's supposed to feel about anything right now, but-

Hell with this, she decides, shifting closer and pressing her lips to his. She knows damn well that people are watching, but in that moment she doesn't care. On some level, she's wanted this since he saved her ass two weeks ago, and it was absolutely worth waiting for. He tastes warm and a little shocked and then he's reciprocating, hands on her face all gentle and mouth like fire as he moves against her.

Heat, _want_.

"Now do we have a good reason to leave?" she asks when they break for air.

"What are you doing?" he asks, breathless and compromised.

"I'm in. If it'll keep me safe, I'm in."

"I can't ask such a thing from you, Raven."

"Good thing you're not the one asking," she laughs.

"You are more than this. You don't have to sacrifice yourself to-"

"Do you really don't think I know that?" she growls, heat beginning to pool in her core. "This has nothing to do with sacrifice, Roan, and _everything_ to do with me wanting you. And if that means things will be a lot easier for me here, even better."

She's not sure what she's planning, exactly, but this feels like the next step. The man is _beautiful_ , and he's been nothing but kind to her, and maybe she's taking advantage of the situation a little bit but it's all conscious want on her end. It feels nice to be protected, and falling into someone's bed a little sooner than she would've expected isn't the worst thing she could do to repay him.

"I would keep you safe even if you never touched me," he murmurs.

"That's sweet, but it's not what I want and I don't think it's what you want either."

"It is not."

"Then shall we?"

"Give me a few minutes."

He vanishes into the surroundings, and she's not sure what he does but he looks quite pleased with himself when he returns. "There. Now we may leave."

He leads her away, hands gently entwined, and she's not sure where they're going but she doesn't care. First time in too long, her body is on fire in the best way and she wants to see where this goes. She wants and she _wants_ and-

She's almost surprised when they stop outside her room. "Are you sure about this, Raven?"

"I don't know," she replies, looking away from him. All of a sudden she wants to cry, and thank goodness for candlelight obscuring all her sins.

"I expect nothing of you. If you want me to leave, forget this ever happened…"

"I don't want that. I just… I _want_ you, but right now it's all too much."

"It's alright." He reaches out, brushes the first few tears from her face with his thumb. "We have time, if that's what you need."

"Right now what I need is for you to help me out of this dress and then cuddle with me. Can you do that?"

He nods. "I like that idea."

In the safety of her room, he helps her undress, touching slightly more of her skin than is absolutely necessary but otherwise a perfect gentleman. "The brace too?" he asks when she's down to her underthings.

"I'll do that part," she replies, sitting down on the bed and unhooking the device. "Are you gonna sleep in all of that?"

"I'm not sure if I _will_ sleep."

"What did I do wrong?"

"Nothing," he says, kicking off his shoes before curling up next to her. "Nothing at all."


End file.
